Where are the dads at?

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Latest reply from Ross

(9 posts) (6 people)

Where are the dads at?

Posted 9 months ago by Ross

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Ross said 9 months ago

As the dad of a baby girl with WHS I have found this site an infinitely valuable resource over the past few months and I never fail to be motivated, moved, inspired and enlightened by what I read here. One thing that strikes me though, is the lack of posts from other fathers.

I would be interested to hear from the mums out there as to why they think their partners don't feel inclined to participate on this site, and others like it. Is it that they aren't aware of it; visit but don't post; or have other methods of answering questions and gathering the information they need?

I understand that we are all individuals each with our own methods of dealing with the situations life throws at us and, while it's a sweeping generalisation, I guess it might just be that us guys are less likely to externalise and reach out than women. Having said that, my own wife (who incidentally could not be a more devoted and loving mother) has no interest whatsoever, for just now at least, in blogging, posting or joining in any online discussion, here or elsewhere. But I think it would be fair to say that typically it seems to be the other way round.

I am not for one minute passing judgement on anyone here. Just curious and, as much as I love reading the posts from all the mums, keen to hear from some more dads too!
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JessMarie9 said 9 months ago

Ross,
So funny that you just posted this. My husband, Justin, just requested to also be an author on our personal blog Thankful4Tanner. (I'm a little nervous because he rarely has a serious side:). Anyway, he is definitely a very loving, hands on father. We sometimes read this site together and we talk often about the stories on it. Maybe he just thinks this is "my thing" or something. He's definitely open and shares his feelings. We'll have to post his first entry on Thankful4Tanner on here too. Good question, I think:)
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KnowingNorrah said 9 months ago

Ross,

I think you are correct in saying that it may just be a difference in gender or even "coping/processing style" (since you mentioned your wife is not currently interested either, it seems gender doesn't have everything to do with it.)

My husband has a very rare autoimmune disease of the pancreas. IT IS MUCH MORE RARE THAN EVEN WHS! When we were going through the hardest days of discovering his diagnosis (which was at one point determined to likely be pancreatic cancer) he did not do research, didn't join any groups, or seek out others with similar symptoms. BUT, I DID! I contacted all of his doctors (found the best hospital in the country), pursued other individuals on message boards or blogs with similar symptoms, and began an email dialogue with the foremost doctor on pancreatic issues in the U.S.

He didn't find it useful to gain outside information because he is more of the mindset that as a unique individual only time will tell what will happen to him and his body, not the experience of others. I think that he feels that way about WHS too.

He has voiced the opinion many times that Norrah will create her own destiny and has no constraints or shackels of the syndrome - just her own unique self and all the potential in the world. Because of that, I am not sure that he has many questions or concerns that a site like this can answer.

We have some great friends in the WHS community that we get together with every few months. He is ALWAYS in attendance and enjoys the company of the other parents (especially the Dads) but it is just people being people - we really do not talk about WHS at those events.

I cannot speak for him entirely - but whether it is his own health or the health of our daughter I think that my husband does not find comfort in others' experiences and he does not desire that others would make comparisons and find comfort in our experiences - but rather he finds comfort in knowing that anything is possible and thinks that all of us should be taking one day at a time.

Of course, that perspective in itself would be SO WONDERFUL to read about in a post wouldn't it? Maybe I should ask him to join and write his perspective in his own words. :)
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Laurie said 9 months ago

It is true that more moms are active on these sites than dads. My husband, back in the earliest days when we got the diagnosis on Kaylee, jumped into my blog and posted an entry about his own feelings about the news. It is titled "A New Challenge," and you can find it under Kaylee's stories.
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Ross said 9 months ago

Thanks guys - good to hear your thoughts! I can relate to something in each of your posts.
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KevinO said 9 months ago

Ross, I think that you and I are an anomaly! It's an interesting topic; one I've thought about on occasion.

Funny thing is that I have never been accused of being a sensitive and compassionate guy, so the fact that I am out here is quite contradictory to the sites very purpose. There is a soft side that is kind of required to engage with some of these topics and posts. A side that most men (me included) don't admit to, or engage with in a public forum.

I'm probably shooting myself in the foot here, but I am more charged up seeing the community come together and getting satisfaction from finding the site and comfort in each other. More so than my personal engagement with each individual child.

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. This site hovers closer to the 2nd planet than it does to the 4th I think.

It's late and I'm not even sure that what I wrote even makes any sense...
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Ross said 9 months ago

Makes perfect sense to me, Kevin! Thanks again for having the vision to do all you have with this site.
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Ginja Gypsy said 7 months ago

I've just joined & my husband Joe is going to sign up & his is an active poster/talker on forums in general.
our daughter is 5 years old her name is Ariarna she also has WHS :-)
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Ross said 7 months ago

Great to hear! Looking forward to hearing from him and all about little Ariarna.